Clouds of Honesty (Photo credit: Mick E. Talbot)
After 26 years of thinking of excuses for who I am and constantly trying to improve my personality, I have come to the conclusion that there is only so much one can do to change. We grow and learn, but while we may improve one part, we could deteriorate another. The cure is only one: never apologize for who you truly are. The right people will love you despite your supposed flaws or imaginary imperfections.
About two weeks ago I was verbally attacked (via a Facebook message, mind you) for something I have said almost 2 years ago. I barely remember the event and my words, but the other party did – almost in full detail (creepy isn’t it?). I felt like they were using this against me, as no person, in their sane mind, could remember something they have said to a random person 2 years ago. After slightly remembering what had happened back then, I said to this person: “You are right. I had no right to talk to you this way. I was mad and depressed at the time and I took it out on you. If you need someone to blame, blame me. I can be really mean and emotional. But that is who I am.”
I prefer to come clean, but I don’t say sorry for everything that might have hurt another person. This girl isn’t even my friend. I don’t think this makes me a bad person. I am emotional. I get angry sometimes and say things that may come out the wrong way…the mean way. I don’t like when someone attacks me claiming I’ve hurt their feelings. We all get hurt. Every single day. Stop whining about it and man up. And I hadn’t done anything bad. I was just honest back then, perhaps a little too much, but it wasn’t said personally. What stroke me was that this girl also said: “You obviously spoke as a representative of your friend circle, because nobody likes me there. They never had. But the others just ignored me.” I was shocked. Is that how people see me? That I say all the truths while the others prefer to keep quiet. Well, then, so be it. Better speak up than be a hypocrite. If you don’t like someone, speak up. If you feel like you need to be someone, be. Don’t say sorry for feeling what you are feeling and being who you are.
It is hard to describe the whole message and idea of this little girl fight, but the point of it all is that as long as you know exactly who you are, you have all the power. Nobody can surprise you. You know your flaws. You are honest with yourself and others and you can’t be shaken by random blasts from the past. It’s astounding because I am quite a lovable person and I have never been attacked in my life before, but I guess there is always a first.
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